Welcome to my blog! It is springtime here in lovely Jefferson,MA and by way of introduction to me, and my garden I am posting an ABC list (an idea shamelessly stolen from facebook) entitled “The Spring of My Discontent” , sorry Mr. Steinbeck.
A is for ants, whose multi-hill and tunnel re-creation of an aztec city almost took my kids swingset and the front rock wall to China. .
B is for Borers, the nasty creatures that have infested my favorite birch tree, the one I lovingly stare at out my picture window all winter as I wait for spring to arrive. Mother Nature, you really need to cut me a break on this one, please don’t make me cry… it is not a pretty sight.
c is for corgis, my dogs Baby Dear and Tigger, who enjoy nothing more than a morning cavorting with the bunnies who are ravaging my gardens. The “dogs” as they like to think of themselves refuse to track, bark, chase or threaten the varmints in any way. Much like the questionable friends your kids bring home from high school , you just shake your head and wonder where it all went wrong.
D is for digging, when someone asks me “Hey, what have you been up to? this should be my only answer
E is for edging, the most dreaded chore of the season. I have a friend who walks her borders with round-up in the fall “edging”. Now that is either very brave or very stupid depending on your attention span and the wind. I resort to manual labor , spade and wheel barrow. It is my gardening purgatory
F is for frost. Thank you Mother Nature for the beautiful warm weather you gave us in April. Did it maybe occur to you that the heat would cause everything to bud and leaf out early so when late frosts hit three nights in a row this week we would be left with blackened leaf tips, transluscent hostas and crispy clematis? Dear lady, think about the repercussions to your actions a little harder next time.
G is for green. Not the trees,the lawn, or perrenials where it would be welcome, but the pool water. The warm weather we had early on caused an algae bloom leaving us with a lake of startling green ectoplasm. Our chore list is so long in the spring we needed this like a sharp kick to the head.
H is for Happy Birthday! (anniversary ,Mother’s Day or other important event I missed). In the spring, garden trumps all. Sorry, I will make it up to you.
I is for the ice that hung heavily on my trees again this year providing me with many meditatitive hours pruning and chipping to wonder why I bother at all
J is for junkie..that would be me (at least it is plants, Ma). Apparantly I was suffering some sort of depression or an advanced state of my OCD over the winter and was plant shopping online. Much of this I do not recall, but as the boxes have started arriving daily all screeching in bold lettering ”LIVE PLANTS OPEN IMMEDIATLY!” I am now suffering from a kind of panic disorder trying to remember what they are, why I bought them, and where in heavens name they are going to possibly fit in my overstuffed gardens.
K is for kill trap, see L …..and don’t judge me
L is for lagomorph, aka rabbits, the latest bane of my gardening existence. They are destroying everything! If you have a pet bunny whose picture your lovingly carry around in your wallet, do yourself a favor and do not show it to me. I will not be gracious.
M is for money. DO NOT tell Bill, my hubby who finances this operation, but this has been a record year. See J, W, then add in what L is costing me in traps, repellents and lost plants, and I need to go my happy place and try not to think about which of the 4 children’s college fund I am depleteing
N is for nesting. well at least someone in my yard is havin a good time The birds are staking claim to every tree, shrub, hanging wreath, basket etc they can to nest in. I leaned a trellis against the house briefly to move a plant and turned around to find a not-so -bright robin had already built his nest on it. Mister Robin, even though you were quite mad at me for moving your nest, try to focus on the fact that I saved you a lot of heartache. A leaning trellis does not a good home make and your potential mate would have been quick to realize this and leave your dumb a** for a smarter bird. You owe me
O is for “open goddammit”..the cute little phrase of encouragement I offer to the peony buds daily. How long must this dumb plant stay in bud before blooming? I don’t like to be teased….keep that in mind
P is for psychotic, which is the state I am dangerously approaching every time a see a 50lb rabbit gleefully munching my plants, full belly and ready to make more bunnies in the” den of sin” under my deck (I know what is going on under there!)
Q is for my quest to find a suitable mulch to replace last year’s fiasco of a choice. I think the salesperson at the last nursery was ready to call 911 and have me escorted off the property when my badgering and mulch pile inspecting carried on for 45 minutes.
R is for rain,coming consistently every day I have a chance to work in the garden. I am tired of being wet and cold, and spreading wet mulch is no joy either.
S is for the first snake of the season to catch me off guard, RIP my friend. Warning to others, do NOT do this..it will result in you being pummeled, spaded, clipeed or otherwise maimed and killed with whatever tool I happen to have in my hand.I know you are good for the garden, I am working on my phobia, honestly. But now for your own safety, please keep to yourself
T is for tornado. Okay, they weren’t tornados, but the windstorms that have accompanied every front moving in and out of our area have made me wonder, “when did we move to Kansas?’ as I scrape the sand off my teeth and try to catch my breath (and the empty plant pots that just went flying down the road) . Combined with the heavy rains, these evil winds have forced me to stake every small tree on the south side of the house. It is a lovely look for the garden
U is for unholy, accurately describing my feelings for all things nature that I did not invite here. Excuse me, but get out of my sandbox
V is for voles, icky disgusting little creatures who spent all winter tunneling through my lawn making it look like a labyrinth in miniature and eating all the roots to several evergreens whose survival is now questionable
W is for wet heavy snow , of which we had 20+ inches dumped on us in late winter causing me to have to call an arborist in to cable some tree$$$$
X is for xeriascaping which I now have to practice in earnest….not so much to conserve water (although that is a very admirable reason for doing so) but so I won’t continually wash off all the concoctions I am spraying on my plants to repel rabbits and deer
Y is for yarrow, the newest in the great cascade of weeds taking over the back 40. Pulling it and it’s runners out disturbs all the mulch and soil and promotes guess what?….more weeds!
Z is for ZERO TOLERANCE…my new bunny policy…you will be destroyed or driven off my land! Yes, I have seen caddyshack, no I am not in fear of my sanity……yet
Here’s to a happier summer!
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